Tag: jokes

New Poop Office Collection

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It may have been a while since I updated things on this site, but I definitely having been sitting on my ass! I’ve been putting together the new, gigantic Poop Office collection, and it’s coming out soon. Real soon. Like this week. Like this Friday, September 22.

Here’s what it looks like. Click on the thumbnails to see larger versions of the front and back covers. And that quote on the back cover, yeah that’s from the real Sam Henderson of Magic Whistle fame! And Lily is a real eight year old girl!

Poop Office - Tales from an Office Staffed by Poop Back Cover

You think your job stinks?

Poopert has the crappiest job ever! He works at Poop Office, an office staffed entirely by poop! And if you think Poopert and his crappy co-workers have it easy, you don’t know crap. These toiling turds spend their days generating T.P. reports on their compooters, clearing out paper jams from the photocrapier, and making buttato salad for the next poopluck lunch. If that’s not enough, the office politics are a real mess in a dump like this.

Collected for the first time in one colossal comic pile are the first six issues of the hilarious Poop Office comic book series along with over 70 pages of never-before-seen bonus content. There’s even an exclusive peek under the lid at how Poop Office is made!

With a satisfying slurry of poop humor and the struggles of working life, Poop Office is sure to appeal to readers of all ages, from little squirts to old farts!

It’s simple really. I took all six issues of Poop Office along with over 70 pages never-before-seen bonus content and stuffed it into one big Poop Office paperback book. All that beautiful black and white poop you love plus stuff like trading cards, variant covers, and secret Poop Office script pages!

Look what the critics are saying!

“Do yourself a favor and check these books out.”
– Times Union

“It’s just a hilarious book, and I highly recommend it. Take it at face value and it’s brilliant.”
– Paperkeg Podcast

“I had a blast reading this. If you see the dude at a comic con and he’s selling Poop Office, I say pick it up.”
– ComixBrew Podcast

“What could easily be dismissed as simple gag comics easily refract under scrutiny into social commentary of the highest order.”
– Comics Bulletin

There are even more glowing praise quotes included in the book!

What, you don’t like paper books anymore? You think they’re fossil relics of a bygone era? Fine, I also have a digital version that’s in full color and high definition in a nice DRM-free PDF. This digital version will be available from ComiXology soon, but in the meantime you’ll be able to buy it directly from me.

Yeah, that’s right. I said “buy it.” But where can you buy it? That’s a good question… to be answered… tomorrow…

(Both versions will actually be available on Amazon.com on Friday, but I’m being coy because I have another announcement I want to tease for tomorrow.)

Announcement for the First Day of April

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I have a totally real and not-at-all joke announcement to make today, a Saturday! Let this post serve as official notice that I am launching a sequel series to Poop Office that will continue forever and ever. I’m probably going to spend all my free time on this new series and won’t have time for much of anything else even. Yes, this is all true, and today is April 1.

Surely over the years you will look back fondly on this day, April 1, as the first day of your love affair with this perennial series that only ended with my death. Enjoy the first four installments.

Poopert in Hell #1

 

Poopert in Hell #2

 

Poopert in Hell #3

 

Poopert in Hell #4

200th Comic Strip Celebration (plus a new comic strip logo)!!

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It’s 2017, so I thought it was time to make a change. I never really had any kind of name or branding for my comic strips, just referring to them as “comic strips.” But I’ve decided they’re no longer just generic comic strips. From this point forward, they will be known as…

Sticks Figure Comic Strips

If that wasn’t amazing enough, I also just finished drawing my 200th comic strip. Er, I mean my 200th Sticks Figure comic strip! I wanted to do something special for such an important milestone, so I drew a sequel to one of my first comics ever — Hammer: King of the Metal Tools, a thrilling, organized crime drama set in a world where people are tools and, instead of flesh, their skin is made out of metal, like tools are. The first comic came out in 1999. I’d always intended it to be a series, but I got distracted. Before we get to Hammer: King of the Metal Tools #2, let’s refresh your memory by looking at the original:

Hammer: King of the Metal Tools #1

Want to know what happens next? You’re in luck! Instead of waiting 17 years like people in 1999 had to, you can just scroll down a little bit more. Go on! Scroll!

Hammer: King of the Metal Tools #2

What a cliffhanger! What’s going to happen to their little screwdriver kid? And is Hammer going to let Saw get away with not paying him what he’s owed? Will Wrench ever forgive her husband for bringing this chaos into their home? All these questions and more may be answered in the next episode of Hammer: King of the Metal Tools, tentatively scheduled for release in 2034.

Awesome Con DC 2016 Aftermath!

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Awesome Con DC was two weeks ago! I’m a little late on this one, but cut me some slack. I had a lot to recover from, including this awesome fan art (which put me in the same company as Tom King, Franco, and Sam Ellis!). I also got to do two T-shirt sketches (those are drawings on T-shirts, not of T-shirts), which is a first.

Poop Office Fan Art

What wasn’t a first was hearing lots of interesting stuff at the table! So without further ado, here’s the greatest hits. There are a lot, but that’s just because people are very talkative in Washington, DC.

  • Oh, it’s actually a comic.
  • Somebody needed to do this.
  • I am not embarrassed to say that I want to buy these.
  • Kid: Can I get one of these? Mom: Seriously?
  • It is poop. And it’s beautiful.
  • (Explaining why the plush dolls shouldn’t have happy expressions) Could you imagine a smiling poop? Look in the toilet and it’s smiling back at you? That’s like something out of Stephen King.
  • Poop! (Caresses the catnip toys) Precious poop!
  • ¡Mierda!
  • (To his friend) This is where I got the poop plushie you see me cuddling with all the time.
  • This is wrong. This is just wrong! Ugh, I just…
  • Me: You can look through the comics if you like. Kid: Eh.
  • (Mother talking to her child) It’s poop acting like people. That’s called “personification.”
  • This actually makes me want to go to the bathroom.
  • Husband: It’s poop. Wife (deadpan): Yeah, I know.
  • My brother texted me and said, “Get me a poop action figure.” What is that?
  • I have great respect for you people.
  • (Regarding the poop action figures) Eww, they’ve been up somebody’s butt! (Not actually true)
  • You guys have poop action figures? Oh my gawd!
  • If I got one of these [plush dolls] for Christmas I could sleep better at night!
  • (Picks up a poop action figure with a blank expression drawn on it) This one, it captures my soul.
  • (Little kid) Why are you doing a comic about poop?!
  • Babe, I want a turd!
  • It’s a potato!
  • Fecal matter is everywhere.
  • Poop Office! Yay! (Begins clapping their hands)
  • (Looking at the “#2 Boss” mug) Hashtag two boss.
  • (Looks at cover of issue #4) Mom: Eww, the water’s yellow. Kid: Yeah, because it’s pee.
  • I’m pretty sure if I got something like this for my husband he would get in trouble at work.
  • This is the poop center.
  • Your booth made me laugh in the best way possible.

And now for the specialty categories!

Signs that Poop Office is famous:
  • This is funny from last year.
  • Here’s the poop table!
  • I’m so excited the poop people are here!
  • This is the poop man.
  • Poop Office is famous. Everyone is talking about it.
Most Creative Award (using Poop Office products to insult each other):
  • Person #1: (Points to one of the poop button and says to friend) This is you! Person #2: (Points to issue #2) This is your mom! (Person #1 points to plush) This is your brother!
Most Self-Aware Award:
  • Guy: I appreciate this. Me: I appreciate you appreciating this. Guy again: You’d probably appreciate me more if I bought something. (He didn’t buy anything)
Most Educational Award (for teaching me that calling someone an egg is a thing):
  • We need to throw this at [our friend] when he’s being an egg.
All Around Winner Award:
  • (Regarding the action figures marked as free) Does this pay any dollars?

In case you’re wondering, no the free poop action figures you can pick up at our convention appearances do not pay any dollars. But they are free.

Baltimore Comic-Con 2015 Aftermath!

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Baltimore Comic-Con

I’m still recovering from what was our most successful Baltimore Comic-Con yet! It was a great convention this year. The weather was nice. The people were nice. And I got to see Edward James Olmos‘ mustache from 30 feet away!

This was also the first con that we tried advertising in the bathroom. They were only up for a few hours on Friday before the convention center staff cleaned them up, so I think we probably weren’t allowed to post stuff there. Oh well. Maybe next time! We got compliments about the ads, so I thought I’d post it here for anyone who missed it.

You smelled the poop. Now read the comic!

Big thanks to everyone who came by to see us. For those who couldn’t make it, Poop Office #6 is now available in digital form on the store page. If you’re a ComiXology fan, I’m working on getting Poop Office #6 up there, too. It’ll probably be a few weeks, though.

Anyway, let’s get to the main event! Here’s what people were saying around the Poop Office table this year:

  • I think [our cat] would like that [catnip toy]. She needs it!
  • I’m looking for a special poop.
  • (Pointing at the cover to issue #4) Is that piss in the water jug? Oh god. I’m done. (leaves)
  • I want to laugh but I don’t want to be insulting.
  • (Re: poop plush) Child: I want one of these. Parent: No!
  • I gather you guys love bowel movements.
  • Poop, there it is!
  • This is a very attractive nuisance for children.
  • Oh look, it’s the poops again!
  • Power Girl: I have to say that was really slick putting ads in the stalls. Frickin’ brilliant.
  • You guys keep doing what you’re doing.
  • Alright, give me the shit!
  • I’m sure you get this a lot — they look like burnt chicken nuggets.
  • (While taking someone’s photo in front of the plushes) Say ‘Poop’!
  • I’m gonna get in trouble for this, but… (buys something)
  • I don’t like this. I don’t like it because it’s poop.
  • Look! Little shits!
  • (Girl had whole stuffed poop collection at home) I got poop! This is my third poop doll!
  • (Regarding his wife) Of all the comics I bought, this one upset her the most.
  • Really? Shit art?
  • I look forward to reading these, God help me.
  • (After handing him the free sketch I did for him) Last year you were the best buy of the convention. This year you’re the best sketch.
The winner in the “I can’t remember if it was the mom or the child who liked/disliked Poop Office” category is:
  • Mom: But it’s poop! Child: Mom, you just don’t understand.

Baltimore Comic-Con 2015

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Baltimore Comic-Con

Poopert and the rest of the gang from Poop Office (including me) are back to stink up Charm City this weekend! We’ll all be at the Baltimore Comic-Con at table A70. Stop by and fart hello!

Poop Office @ Table A70

I'll see you in Baltimore!