Thank you for your empooment craplication for Poop Office, the office staffed entirely by poop! We’ll ask you several situational inturdview questions to determine which current empooyee you most resemble. To maximize pooductivity, we match each new hire with one of our current staff members. This keeps new empooyees from making too big of a splash and disrupting the office culture.
When you’re finished, please review our compoony policies on the Poop Office website https://poopoffice.com.
1. After arriving at work in the morning, a co-worker greets you and asks, “How are you?” What’s your response?
Tell them you’re fine.
Tell them you’re fine, and then ask how they’re doing.
Pretend you don’t hear them.
Tell them all about your spouse’s rash that broke out last night.
Correct!
Wrong!
2. Your co-workers invite you to a Turdsday night crappy hour at the corner bar. How do you spend your evening?
You spend way too much money on crappetizers.
You’re the designated driver.
You’ll have no memory of what happened that evening.
You go home and drink alone in your apartment.
Correct!
Wrong!
3. You accidentally saw a co-worker’s peecheck and discovered they’re paid more than you even though you’re a much better empooyee in every possible way. How do you deal with this?
Complain openly about it to anyone who will listen.
Ask for a raise.
Quit. You’re too good for that place anyway!
Resent your better-paid co-worker.
Correct!
Wrong!
4. You arrive at work in the morning to discover your brown desk chair has gone missing. What do you do?
Steal someone else’s chair as a replacement.
Buy a new chair and cover it in name labels.
Send an angry, accusatory peemail to everyone in the compoony (even the coproate office!).
Do your work standing up from now on.
Correct!
Wrong!
5. What are you going to eat for lunch?
A smelly, microwave poorito that stinks up the office.
The same thing you’ve eaten for lunch for the last five years.
The peenut butter & smelly sandwich someone else made and left in the fridge.
Something from the vending machine.
A few slices of office birthday cake.
Nothing. You’re on a diet!
Correct!
Wrong!
6. A really annoying error message pops up on your compooter every time you type the letter P, but you’ve got a T.P. report due at the end of the week. What do you do?
Tolerate the error message. It’s not like I.T. can do anything about it.
Find out if I.T. can fix it and be disappointed when they can’t (or won’t).
Stop using your compooter and handwrite your T.P. reports from now on.
Don’t bother with the T.P. report, and trick your boss into thinking that they lost it.
Correct!
Wrong!
7. The photocrapier jammed again, but you really need to copy these P.U. reports in time for the committee meeting! What do you do?
Follow the on-screen instructions to clear the jam.
Find someone to fix the machine for you.
Run to the closest Office Dumpo to get your copying done.
Just tell everyone at the meeting you forgot to copy the P.U. reports.
Correct!
Wrong!
8. What do you bring to the poopluck lunch?
Swedish messballs
A bowl of poosta salad
Brownies
Iced pee and lemonade
Nothing. And that’s exactly what everyone expects from you.
Poop!
Correct!
Wrong!
9. The boss calls an emergency, mandatory meeting. What do you think it’s about?
Everyone’s getting fired.
Everyone’s getting raises.
You don’t have time for this!
It’s just another boring meeting you’ll have to get through.
Correct!
Wrong!
10. A co-worker approaches you and asks where today’s staph meeting is taking place. What is your response?
“Let me check my calendar.”
“It’s in the conference room where we have all our meetings.”
“I dunno.”
“That meeting isn’t until tomorrow.”
Correct!
Wrong!
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Poop Office – The Inturdview
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